Break the Habit of Self-judgment :: Read 5 Examples & Powerful Questions
Every program starts with a goals self-assessment to capture what the client wants to work on.
This action serves as a time capsule of what they sound like when getting started. Hear real examples of self-judgment from former clients. Can you relate?
Read the examples below that reveal the client’s thoughts, beliefs and mindset. See what questions I would ask next!
Want to hear how critical it sounds?
Self-judgment is harsh self-talk and a common inner limit for overthinkers and perfectionists on how we get in our own way.
Client example 1
“...What do I like to do but need more development on?”
Client's mindset is grounded in what's lacking, rather than what talent and skills are abundant. They make the assumption that whatever is next, it will require development of new skills. As a Coach, I hear them speak as if they're an underdog.
What's already brought out your best?
Client example 2
“(I’m) feeling overwhelmed because of the endless directions I could choose, so I stop.”
Another example of feeling lack. Despite endless directions, there is overwhelm and implies this person fears making a bad choice or wrong decision.
What door are you curious to open next?
Client example 3
“The fear of starting over. What if it doesn’t work out?”
The client is making up a story that all prior experiences are not relevant or not coming with them. Today’s careers are not linear, and it is exactly the winding path that bring out our diverse experience and knowledge to help us succeed. The second part is indexing on the negative - or catastrophizing.
What if it does work out? (…What does that look like?)
Client example 4
“Scared that my ideas are stupid / I’m not good enough. Don’t know if I’m “cut out” for it.”
When over-thinkers stay too long in their head, this kind of talk can happen. It’s ruminating on hypothetical problems that haven’t happened. This can start a downhill spiral. It could be also this person is not yet able to shift to a positive outlook because of stress, burnout or a toxic environment where these beliefs formed.
Imagine your Best Self. What do they believe you can do?
Client example 5
“That I’ll be unable to be successful if I don’t work as hard as I can and deliver work as perfectly as possible.”
In this snippet, self-judgment has two levels. The client believes that they must work extra hard which puts into question how they may appear compared to others. If they do work hard, they need to find the perfection in their output. It’s signaling a “no mistakes” mentality. That’s a very tall mountain to climb.
What would that effort cost you?
Personal change starts with self-awareness
The first step to making a change is becoming self-aware of the behavior you want to shift. You can't change what you can't see, and I hope these examples shine a light on how self-judgment affects your words, mindset and results.
Let me know in the comments if you find this post helpful. I reply to every response, and would love to hear your insights on what you’re noticing!
If you want my help in unlearning the habit of self-judgment, put some time on our calendars for a clarity call or subscribe to get strategies to help you get out of your own way each week. Subscribe here.
