Which Voice Wins in your Head? Disrupt the Inner Critic
Summary: Spend too much time in harsh, negative self-talk in your head? Disrupt it! By understanding these two sides, you’ll develop the habit to disrupt the critic consistently for better peace of mind. Read this simple experiment.
We all have two sides, our inner critic and inner wisdom. You can easily recognize the difference because one makes you feel bad, and one makes you feel free. One side is anchored in the past, the other in the present.
In order to disrupt the pattern in yourself, we start with raising your awareness. Let’s breakdown what we mean by inner critic and inner wisdom.
Inner Critic
Your inner critic holds negative self-talk, regrets, and shame. Brené Brown believes shame plays two tracks, "Never good enough" and "Who the hell do you think you are?"
Watch the TedTalk (start at 11:40). Your inner critic loves that dialogue.
Characteristics of the inner critic
Judgment, problem-oriented
Attacks your deepest flaws
Sounds anxious, negative
Repetitive
Afraid of new experiences and change
Driven by fear
The inner critic is anchored in the past or projecting the worst that can happen in the future. If your fears could talk, this is what is sounds like.
For much of my earlier career, my inner critic was tied to my perfectionism. That voice would help me deliver better quality, raise standards and add the finishing “polish” to any project.
Over time, that part of me grew stronger and would sometimes cause paralysis - for my ability to speak up, my ability to get started with large tasks and so on. I would edit myself as I was creating, causing me to doubt what I was doing. The inner critic was winning, and it affected my relationship with myself.
Here's other examples:
Spending so much time in self-critical dialogue that you miss contributing to the meeting. It happened, and you were there although you staying in your head the whole time.
Realizing that the scary monster voice is coming from you. You're the one who's scaring you out of moving forward.
Sharing a big dream with a close friend. As the words leave your mouth, you continue on to share how many things will go wrong and how it will end in failure. You don't realize how many times you've said "but" when you were sharing your dream outloud.
Inner Wisdom
All the answers are inside of you. Your intuition. That feeling that you “just know.” Your inner wisdom effortlessly feels and knows.
Characteristics of inner wisdom:
Curious, possibility-oriented
Support your deepest desires and abilities
Sounds helpful, positive (like an elder, gently speaking to you)
Soft and kind
Open to new experiences
Driven by love
Inner wisdom grounds in the present moment. (Side note: The true present moment holds no fears. It’s unfolding right now. It’s unlimited and allows the power of choice).
Can you think of a time that you listened to your inner wisdom? Did you have an instinct, a premonition? Did you go with your gut on something? Or worse, did you not go with your gut and then later found out you were right?
Both the inner critic and inner wisdom are accessible at all times. Learn what happened when a client decided she was ready to face her inner critic.
Stopping second-guessing in its tracks
My client began to notice that her inner dialogue was no longer helping her reach higher. Self-talk sabotaged her with regrets, second-guessing and imposter-like feelings.
I challenged her in our coaching and asked, “What changes when you catch the negative chatter?” She agreed to record audio of herself the next day.
Her breakthrough came on her next 45-minute commute home when her self-talk started up again. Only this time, she couldn’t press the record button!
She let go of allowing herself to be beaten up each day, even if it’s in her head. By moving the dialogue out in the open, she couldn’t bear the idea or proof of what that really sounds like. She gained the self-regulation she wanted to be kind to herself and live in her values.
Experiment
Let’s catch the negative chatter directly. In order to make personal change, raising your awareness is vital to observing yourself in behavior. Once you do, the inner critic has less room to hide from you.
Set the intention to record your negative self-talk
Catch it when and where it happens most
Use your phone or computer to record yourself
Play it back.
Don’t skip playing it back. (This step is important because you will experience distance from your thoughts to the voice you hear on the recording).
Reflect on what you’re learning
What you may discover:
The inner critic voice is not the real you
The inner critic is the fearful you
It’s not the best of you
You have the power of choice to let inner wisdom win.
How did you do? If you'd like to let go of negative self-talk, stories and limiting beliefs that are holding you back, I specialize in working on these self-development areas. I partner with over thinkers, introverts and perfectionists to make these changes last. To schedule a free strategy session to build your confidence and align to the future you really want, start here or subscribe to our weekly Ultimate Future Newsletter for inspiration for a better career, better mindset and better self.