Unlock Your Voice: 20 Simple Phrases Perfectionists Can Use When Asking for Help
Summary: Asking for help can be especially challenging for perfectionists. To ease this struggle, discover 20 simple phrases that can make a big difference. Don’t wait until complete overwhelm sets in. Develop your skills when seeking support, and unlock your voice.
When successful people struggle with asking for help, the number one question their colleagues think to themselves is:
“How does someone like you feel embarrassed to ask for help?”
Could it be feelings of embarrassment, shame or insecurity, or a fear of judgment? Do you find it frustrating that you need to seek help?
Asking for Help and Perfectionism
For perfectionists, asking for help creates a double-edged sword. One, we’re showing our weakness by asking for help. And two, we get stuck on wondering, “what is the perfect way to ask someone for help?”
We begin making assumptions like believing we’re at the beginning. We aren’t experts here. We don’t have what it takes to figure it out, and so on. We see in black and white, and that only adds to the pressure that’s building up inside.
We stick with the inner dialogue and get overwhelmed. Research from Stanford shows that children as young as seven begin to face the stigma of asking for help. They believe doing so would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior. If you agree with the seven year old in you, it’s been a long time in the making that asking for help can be a challenge.
When the Word “Help” is the Problem
A coaching client admitted she has a specific problem with asking for help. Asking for help wasn’t in her DNA. She was successful and a self-identified perfectionist. She wanted to work on how to succeed in a new role. Read to the end to learn why this story is so memorable.
When coached on this, she recalled that another leader she admired used the word “ask” when she needed help. As her sounding board, we created the space for her to explore what a similar strategy would do for her. She landed on the phrase, “I have an ask…”
Words affect our mindset and our moods. When my client used the word “help,” it immediately brought up images of being rescued. When we realize the words we use are the culprit to what’s holding us back, we win the self-discovery lottery. It’s simple to change the words we choose.
What gets in the way of what we want is the Ask
Replacing one word can make all the difference. Experiment with the way you might ask for…support, using this list below.
20 Simple Phrases to Ask for Help (without using the word help)
Can you assist me with this?
Could you lend me a hand?
Would you mind giving me a hand?
Can you support me with this task?
Could you guide me through this?
Would you be able to provide some insight?
Can you show me what you see?
Could you share your insights?
Would you assist me with this issue?
I have an ask…
Could you clarify this for me?
Would you mind lending your expertise?
Can you back me up on this?
Could we partner on something?
Would you be able to walk me through this?
Can you give me a few pointers?
Could you point me in the right direction?
What do you recommend?
Can you assist me in figuring this out?
Could you provide some assistance?
What Happened in the Story?
What’s memorable about this particular client story is that she was a former Olympian. Like you, she got stuck on her story around asking for help. She had mental toughness, discipline and stamina. Yet no matter how much she pushed forward, she lost her voice when using the word “help.” Changing that word changed everything and unlocked her voice.
This is how she disrupted the pattern in one session. As you reflect on where you need help or when you experience overwhelm, how will you unlock your voice?